Balthazar's Brutish Band of... Bards?

Demons Blind to Own Apathy

The Shrouded Sun can report exclusively that despite the increasingly frequent attacks by Balthazar's forces upon Old Ryndall, the demon army is in fact afflicted by a serious case of apathy and existential nihilism at the higher levels of command.

They seem able to repress this long enough to be able to follow their diabolic master's orders when out and about in Valorn, but immediately upon arrival back in N'Rolav they are struck by philospohical questions such as "Is crush, kill, destroy really a viable lifetime goal?", "Are adventurer entrails really the best colour combination for me?", and "What message am I putting out there with this necklace of human skulls?."

The Demon Centurions seem so afflicted by this that they often wander away from the battle in Ryndall entirely in order to meditate on these issues, write poetry, and have a good cry. There is some speculations amongst adventurers as to whether this poetry is in fact an attempt by Balthazar to develop a propaganda campaign sending solicitors to handout leaflets in busy intersections. Luckliy the plan is flawed, as all such centurions have thus far been slaughtered and dismembered by adventurers screaming the battle cry "OH MY GODS STOP WHINING!".

We were going to print an extract from one such centurion's poetry as recalled by a wild-eyed and sweating adventurer (who wishes to remain nameless) but we have decided that in the interests of health, safety, and our offices to remain intact for one week, not to. Our apologies for any inconvenience.

~Venus Darkmoon

Redti's Redecorating Rampage

In the vast wide plains outside Dundee lies a lonely grass hut neglected by it's former owner abandoned for Nrolav of all places. On dark nights some have looked upon it and almost heard it crying "live in me!!" That is until recently.

Local serving wench Redti Quickfeet has taken the hut on as though his own and set about making the place more homely whilst donning his frilly pink Cerbie's Grill uniform. Swept, cleaned, and decorated with his supplies of plains cat meat to hang from the ceiling and a lovely smell of mead bubbling on the stove, Redti has turned the neglected hut around and has hosted a successful (if impromptu) hut warming.

Though Redti, who intends to only stay in the hut on a temporary basis, claims that he's only "tidied the place up a bit" has taken the neglected hut and made it a home again.

~Eshthala Shadowwolf

Quiet Cleric Caught Cavorting

Some of the new clerics and enchanters are adamant that they have spied a female cleric fire dance for gold. They whisper fantastic stories about her capering with robes girded up, hair flying loose, bare legs and feet twirling and stepping high as she moves through the tombs, Guardians following behind in the dim moonlight.

The rumors claim she has been discovered sneaking out of her bed in the wee hours and sliding through the sand to go dance with the Guardians. When caught in a close-coupled dance with a large, muscular Green Guardian by her guild leader, she merely blushed and then bowed.

Feeding the Green bread and honey as she petted him, the petite cleric horrified her guild mate by guilelessly remarking "He followed me home, can I keep him?"

On a related note, Lord Christopher is revising the size of the door to his new temple. Something about making it too small for his troublesome charge, Sylent One, to drag her pets through. He refused to comment for the record but was heard to mutter "...and I thought she promised no more after that Zombie Turkey episode where it took out half the congregation during Blessed Cory's Birthday Bash."

~Alpha Betsoup

Ask Balthazar

Dear Balthazar,

My life is pretty boring, i wanna give it some... 'zing' y'know? Maybe with a lady friend, or with a hobby, anything you can reccomend?

~From Bemused and Bored

Dear B & B,

Well, I have but one thing that I know of to cure loneliness...MODEL CRAFTING! Nothing takes the edge off a hard day's work of smashing things and taking names than a good old fashion miniature schooner. And when you are done making them, you get to admire them! Man, what a worthwhile and enjoyable hobby.

~Da B