Dundee Under Siege by Acronym Adventurers

MyParentsHateMe Steps Forth Into Valorn!

It seems that a new generation of adventurers have made their way to Valorn seeking fame, fortune, and perhaps a name change.

It's anyone's guess where these adventurers have come from and what their parents were thinking when they christened them such names as "shizzle nokill", "MLSJR", "MrNosePicker", and "LeetBandit." Acronyms, shortened words, and names lacking a vowel (sometimes not even "Y"!) are commonplace these days.

Perhaps these names are derivative of MSG, loathing for one's offspring, or merely parents' sick jokes with punch lines to be repeated every time their child is addressed.

We asked one parent her thoughts, and she replied, "Oh, I don't believe that nonsense... By the way, Have you met my sons: Peebrain, Cory, MyParentsHateMe, FlaccidFrank, Sam Fraydye, and xXMeatLoverSupremeXx. Can I give them a message? Oh, I can? Okay... I love you MyParentsHateMe, It's Mommykins, why do you have to be so distant? Eat your vegetables."

~ Ixon Fier & Cerberus

Cradle Robber Solicits Squire

Jamie, feared sex offender and known lunatic, seemingly snatched a small child from the Dundee Inn earlier this week. He picked up what he called a 'game boy' and refered to it as a 'machine.' What exactly is a 'game boy?' The Shrouded Sun does not know, but we believe it to be some type of squire, as squires do compete in quite a few games and are boys...

Soon thereafter, Jamie was heard to make strange beeping noises and stuffed the 'game boy' into his bag before quickly fleeing the scene of the alleged crime. Dundee Constables pursued, but the trail quickly ran cold. If you have any information regarding a missing squire or Jamie's whereabouts, you should use the toll free pigeon carrier service and send a private message to Sir Pestus of IRN at 1 Castle IRN Way, Dundee.

~ Ixon Fier & Cerberus

Demon Dotes on Damsel

Edenn, famed Remnant of Kimald Cookie Baker, has been seen sporting a new one of a kind cloak.

It's origins you ask? It seems Edenn has been having highly secretive encounters with a Demon Centurion in remote locations about Valorn. A highly unreliable source has confirmed that they may or may not be planning to elope and honeymoon in Kilican's Volcano.

~ Cerberus

Ask Balthazar

Dear Balthazar, Boxers or Briefs?

~Unsure Underwearer

Dear Perplexed Panty-man, While Briefs give the extra support an adventurer needs in the midst of a heated debate with an Enraged Bear, boxers are better for your sperm count which in the end will yield more puny mortals for me to kidnap, dress up like ballerinas, and take pictures so I can blackmail them for large sums of Platinum. Da B needs some new bling bling.

~ Da B

Dear Balthazar, After a fierce debate with my friends, they convinced me that your name is not in fact, 'Battlescar' and I was wondering how you came to have that name.

~ Perpetually Perplexed

Dear Hearing Impaired Idiot, While it has been speculated, that my name was once 'Battlescar' and Ben had a fit of sneezing which caused my name change, I was actually born with this name. Cruel parents, I know. You can only imagine how the other adventurers acted, never letting me play in all their little adventurer games, and making fun of my shiny red nose.

~ Da B